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[05 Dec 2003|12:18am] |
i had a nervous breakdown tonight.
it was real this time.
and not fun.
i still haven't fully recovered.
and i sense repeat episodes. like little aftershocks.
it scares me when i get like this.
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(1 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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[22 Nov 2003|11:31am] |
friends only from now on. leave a comment if you want to be friends.
in light of comments posted, let me clarify a bit...
this journal will continue to be available to my current friends, of course! i love you guys.
when i said "leave a comment", it was directed at people who were not already on my friends list. in case they wanted to beCOME friends. :)
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(5 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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[21 Nov 2003|11:02am] |
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went to a seminar for graduate school for psychology last night.
basically, i learned a lot.
one main point, was i learned that i stand a snowballs chance in hell's chance of getting into grad school.
one of the professors said "if you have a 3.5, i will not write you a letter of recommendation, because i know that you stand no chance of getting into a PhD program." um...OUCH.
true, i'm not applying for the PhD program, but shit. nice way to deter me from ever even trying.
i suck. my GPA sucks.
rawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawr
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(3 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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| hmmm? |
[19 Nov 2003|10:36am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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bjork-i have seen it all |
] |
saw ozma yesterday at storke plaza for free yesterday. they sounded alright. not great, but then again, i didn't expect greatness.
the best part, by far, was these two crazy kids (keep in mind, there's only 2 of them) slam dancing, and moshing. um...running at eachother, and bumping in midair hardly seems like it'd be fun, but hey, whatever.
it started off with this one girl, who was kinda scary to begin with. she just strolled up to the "stage", and stood in front of one of the speakers, bobbing her head, and jumping erratically.
girl: bright green shirt, grey sweats with "diving" on the ass, hat turned sideways, with a bright orange beanie over (so just the bill is sticking out), and pink converse hightops.
then this guy yells for them to play some song, and when they do, he books it to the front and starts running up and down, jumping, and yelling the lyrics at the top of his lungs. this greatly amuses the bandmembers, who just let these two do their own thing.
they announced their last song, and the guitarist invited the two backup dancers to sing with him.
highly amusing.
i just sat on the steps, in the shade, munching on a cranberry/orange muffin.
hey, if anyone has the mp3 of bjork and thom yorke singing "i have seen it all", please please please send it to me. i can't find it on imesh. you'll be my favorite.
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(4 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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| pretty blah all the way around... |
[17 Nov 2003|10:57am] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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the strokes' new album |
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i give:
[x] "room on fire" a good, solid B-
[x] my math professor (rick ye) a good solid F--------
[x] weekends with geoff an A+++++
[x] spending 6+ hours at camino real marketplace a C+
[x] only doing well in my animal class, which i dislike immensely a B
[x] only 10 out of 350 calc students finishing midterm #2 on time a F
[x] postponing making spraypaint t-shirts and sweatshirts with alex a D
[x] spending 4 days on a mix cd for mathew, because i want it to be good, an A
[x] only getting a paycheck once a month, and having it always be less than $200, due to my 8.5 work week (not my choice), and $7.50 an hour job (again, not my choice), a B-
so, all in all, the GPA is
22.8/9 or, 2.53, a middle C.
i'd say that's about right.
this came up when i googled "blah"
so strange...
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(6 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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| i think "drained" is the perfect description of this moodofthemoment... |
[12 Nov 2003|12:19am] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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jets to brazil |
] |
yesyesyes i am alive
oh, what a weekend...jesus...
i took off from SB on thursday night, and came back about 2 hours ago.
my grandma died. the cancer finally became too much for her to handle. it's surprising that she held out for so long. but i'm glad that i was home, so i could be with my grandpa.
some very tough times.
the most heartbreaking thing that he said was:
55 years ago, next month, i put that ring on her finger. the hardest thing in the world was taking it off this morning.
*sigh*
...sorry...
on a lighter note...
i got my package from angie, she sent me some peachy penguins, a mix cd and the most adorable stuffed-animal owl i have EVER seen. thank you so much angie, you just made my night. i have dubbed him "orbie [the owl]", because his body is almost perfectly spherical. sooooooooo cute.
he will sit, perched at the foot of my bed, to ward off the crazy seagulls and crows that may wander into my room at night.
i'm tired and stressed. i have a math midterm tomorrow, and i had a nearly complete breakdown today in the parking lot of cocos.
geoff got the FULL brunt of it, after i got mad about him not deciding where to go for lunch. it turned ugly, and he got mad, and i started crying. we didn't go to cocos, it was a halfassed suggestion that only made me more frustrated. then the waterworks started. bad news.
it's raining hard right now. i drove through a lightening storm to get to SB. it was beautiful.
i'm sad. but i have a new owl-y friend to make me smile a little.
:\
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(5 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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| it's 11:11 right now. and that makes me smile... |
[05 Nov 2003|11:11am] |
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mood |
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 silly |
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music |
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brmc |
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001. right now i'm wearing a "jesus helps me trick people" shirt, jeans, and a peacoat.
002. i have a new resolution to quit coffee.
003. my middle name is ashley. (which makes my initials HAH...mean.)
004. i was born in long beach, and raised in huntington beach.
005. i go to ucsb, i'm a psychology major, and HOPE to graduate this year on time.
006. people watching is one of the best activities EVER.
007. right now, i'm listening to black rebel motorcycle club.
008. i absolutely love this cold, crisp weather.
009. i say "absolutely" and "definitely" far too often.
010. we should be friends.
OKGO it's your turn. please play with me?
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(12 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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| bored and boring... |
[03 Nov 2003|01:54pm] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
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music |
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bad R&B music in the bookstore |
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ok, so i've just now made it my new mission to update LJ from every available computer source on campus.
i = geek to the max
right now, i'm in the bookstore, standing, by the pen and computer display. i'm unsure as to if these computers are supposed to be used for the public, or just display items. probably the latter, because none of the 4 computers here match. heh heh heh. just call me a rebel.
i'm a loner, dottie, a rebel
...naaaaaaaaaaaaame that tune...
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(what did you ever do?)
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| this track sounds like beck...i like it... |
[13 Oct 2003|12:43pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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reindeer section |
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i'm waiting for work.
i skipped my classes today because i'm sad. not just the loser-type of sad. i'm not-happy sad. but both apply.
i'm listening to the reindeer section with the bass way up, blasting into my little sony headphones. makes me extra happy that i brought my cd player with me.
i've been in a complete fog all day. how can i only have 15 more minutes til i have to work?
remember how i was vying to become apathetic? well, perhaps it's just a "today" thing, but i'm definitely there. and not in the good way. not in the way i wanted or expected.
i want to go to angie's 21st bday party. it would be fun. angie should live in santa barbara though, rather than berkeley. then the trip would be much more...more...do-able?
angie, you should tell me what kinda arty stuff you want for your bday...
you should make me feel better. but i don't even know where to begin.
blah blah blah = whine whine whine
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(3 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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| goddammit |
[12 Oct 2003|05:10pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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the rapture |
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my whole entry just got erased because i wanted to find a stupid picture of sushi. rawr.
...i want sushi...
i wrote mathew a letter today. it 'twill go in the mail tomorrow. yay for penpals.
the song "sound of silence" always remindes me of the underwater scene in the graduate. hot damn, that's an awesome movie.
i'm reading prozac nation right now. you all sould go read it pronto.
making someone who knows everything about music a mix cd is a much harder task then i had previously thought. damn geoff for being so music savvy.
i accomplished nothing today.
which is nice. because i had nothing TO accomplish.
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(5 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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[09 Oct 2003|01:13pm] |
so, we met as a house for the second time last night. keep in mind that this is week THREE in the FALL quarter.
conclusion: i hate my 4th roommate even more.
quick summation:
-beverly (that's her name...) bought all sorts of shit for the apartment.
-she bought said shit without clearing it with the other 3 of us.
-she bought expensive shit. why the fuck would you buy a $30 shower curtin, when crista has one that she bought (which isn't so god-awful ugly) for $3?
-why do you want me to pay for things that i brought up with me? i refuse to "help pay" for your dish soap, drying rack and whatever else you're trying to just get money for.
-she's a dumb bitch, who makes amy cry, and i want to punch her in her stupid face.
-i seemed to be the only one with a serious problem for paying for things that not only do i hardly use, but things that she will be taking home with her. so, she wants to only pay $20 instead of $80 for her shit? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK that.
-she thinks that we're all overreacting, and busts out her recpeits, when i tell her that i don't think that the shit she bought cost $80.
-did i mention she's a dumb bitch?
yeah, so i hope she doesn't ever come home again.
i'm not excited about life right now. i'm really sad and angry and frustrated all at the same time, and all about different things.
it would have been my dad's birthday this monday. that makes me sad.
my grandma is dying of the same type of cancer that my dad had, and now has maybe a month left to live. that makes me sad.
i have to work and go to school. that makes me frustrated.
beverly. that makes me mad.
i wish i could reach the level of apathy that geoff has (and has admitted to having).
i want to not care.
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(10 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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| ...you are the most, you're so rad, you're so fresh and i'm so glad... |
[07 Oct 2003|01:19pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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rude phone-talker |
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so, am i the only one who didn't know that there was a 3rd floor to the U Cen? jesus...
well, i have a lovely view of the misty lagoon, and am currently wasting time in between classes.
last night was spent angry (that's a whole 'nother story), and papering. not what i would call a great night. i had to write a 6 page "short-answer" thing (for FIVE points...rawr) for my environmental studies class. but it's done, and i turn it in in 40 minutes. huzzah.
also. me, being the huge dork that i am, noticed that the computers up here are set up so that they remember things you type into headings and whatnot. so, i decided that it would be kinda fun and interesting to see what crazy things people were writing. invasion of privacy? perhaps. but on with the silly quotes!
only its like mr. sparkle, but a billion times better!
Jose the Snake!...Just for U..;)
RePresentin - not a good a night cat?
this is your crazy faerie Hermana...
AAHHHH...LIFE JUST SLAPPED ME....HARD!
bikini i skoletasken?
I want to be MADE into a surfer!!
ifidontgetthisjobi'mgoingtocry
i swear to god, i didnt' make up any of these. i'm not clever enough. oooooh...that was a nice laugh...
take care, and remember: someone might be snooping, and that someone might be ME!
mwa hahahahaha!
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(4 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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| suckered you, but not your friends... |
[30 Sep 2003|01:33pm] |
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mood |
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listless |
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music |
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radiohead - just (acoustic version) |
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...recent events in the ohsoexciting life of heather...
+ show last night at the hard to find in goleta +
it is CALLED "the hard to find show space" for a goddamn reason. amy and i drove up and down hollister, turning into random business driveways looking for something that could resemble a venue. we found it, after locating a flock of hipsters. then we knew we were in the right place. the place was teeming with them. you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a damn hipster. amy and i were freaks for not dressing up in "fashionable clothing". but i did get a few compliments on my modest mouse shirt, thankyouverymuch.
antelope-very good, very solid band. every song was awesome. i told them so. they said thankyou. 3 man group. bass, guitar, drums. switching instruments = awesome.
biblioteca-math rock goodness. last show ever. was kinda sad when they played their last song, because you could tell that they were going to miss playing together. i have no idea why they're breaking up. they were sweet. also, one of their songs was called "i never liked jackson pollock". cool.
black eyes-fucking black eyes. i wanna give the girl who said "play one more" (and then they DID) a fucking black eye. this band was just pure noise. no music, no rhythm, no nothing. just noise. amy looked at me in shock and said "i hope to god that q and not u doesn't sound like this, or i will be very not happy." (they don't) sucksucksuck. colin would probably love them. 5 guys on stage. 3 drum sets, 2 guitars, 1 bass, 1 keyboard, misc. "musical" instruments, 2 mics. shit-tastic.
q and not u-awwwwwwwwwwesome. they played (to my memory)
-no kill no beep beep
-soft pyramids
-and the washington monument blinks tonight
-and that one about "sharp teeth"
there were more, of course, but i didn't know/can't remember them. amy and i left a little early to beat the scenester's mad (but hip) rush for the door.
super cool band. and seemingly nice guys. the keyboard/guitar player looked like my friend's dad. very 80's clothing, full beard, and balding. funny stuff.
+ classes start at UCSB +
yeah there's really nothing much more to add to that. classes started, and they suck already. not fun. actually, as i type this, i am missing one of my classes. yay for ditching in week 2!
+ get a job +
i work in the english department. nothing too glorious. i'm a lackey for $7.50/hr. but part of my job is to run errands, so i get to go outside for at least 10-15 minutes, which is nice.
+ visit with geoff +
geoff came up last weekend, and it was great. it's funny how i'm not quite myself without him. i know that seems dependent, and lame and whatever, but hey, i don't care. i'm happy. i've never been this happy. and i hope i'll be this happy (with a geoff by my side) for the rest of my life.
it's foggy and cold outside. i love it.
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(4 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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[26 Sep 2003|11:08am] |
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mood |
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 thirsty |
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music |
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computer keys clicking |
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...there is a summer, it's all the time, for every one of us...
lordy, lordy that's a fan-tabulous song.
tried to sign up for CLAS today. can't. it conflicts with my work schedule. then tried math lab. not open til 12. my class is at 12. it's a conspiracy, i tell you!
oh, yeah, i have a job now...
its through work study, which means that i get money towards my tuition AND money for working. excellent idea, in my opinion.
anyways, i'm working in the english department. i'm going to be their lackey. which is fine. i'm used to being people's lackey. office work, fixing the copy machine, etc...
at $7.50 an hour, with a max of 10 hours a week, i'm not gonna be rolling in it, but it's coffee money.
after i accepted the position, i got 4 other offers for jobs. all paying 25 cents more. oooooooh. a whole 25 cents. according to colin, that's bus fare in LA. crazyness.
yeah...ain't that a shame.
bored bored bored bored bored
you are the "you suck, and that's sad"
happy bunny. your truthful, but can be a bit
brutal.
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(4 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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| guess i'm doin fine... |
[20 Sep 2003|11:19am] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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beck |
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i just caught a free show at storke plaza.
(by the way, i'm back in sb)
jealous sound headlined. meh.
the history of... opened. sucktastic.
but
JONAH'S ONELINEDRAWING was there.
i'm now completely smitten with jonah.
i like that word...smitten...
yeah, he kicked some major ass...helped it up...then kicked it again...
he also reminds me of a mix of rivers cuomo + beck. only more intense...yeah...
so awesome.
did you make it to that show, mathew? if not, man oh man, did you miss out...
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(6 saved latin | what did you ever do?)
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| eep ooop oork eep eep... |
[12 Sep 2003|08:16am] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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music |
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luscious jackson |
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i'm alive, i swear i'm alive.
things have been beyond crazy here in heather-land.
i'm moving out, and have had mucho problems with santa ynez people. things are straightened out now, but the girl who was once assigned to be our roommate is no more. sad. she was nice.
my last day of work today, at state farm insurance. woo.
i've been sleeping at geoff's for the past week. strange. even on days when i have to work, we both get up, and go to our respective places of work. feels like...no, i dont' want to say it...
i'm listening to luscious jackson. they actually were pretty damn sweet. "naked eye" was way overplayed, but the rest of the cd is pretty kick ass.
i go to ikea today. big yay points for ikea.
munching on strawberries is the best way possible to start your day.
also, i'm now hooked on iced chai. *hangs head in shame*
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i'm off!
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(what did you ever do?)
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